You are a busy parent. Your love for the apple of your eye demands that you indulge in the form of a trinket here or a toy there. Somehow, before you realise it, it all adds up to a kid who expects to get whatever she asks for. Well, here’s what you can do, to undo the damage by unspoiling your child.
Acknowledge that the problem starts with you
We
are probably trying to compensate for what we didn’t have as children, or
maybe assuaging some parental guilt, or simply assuring ourselves that our
children love us. Whatever the reason, figuring out why you spoil your
child is the first step to desist from it.
Convert the demand-reward to rule-consequence
Make
a conscious attempt to alter the demand-reward pattern as in “If you
behave, I will buy you a treat.” Instead, frame rules and consequences, as
in “I will buy you ice cream tomorrow if you finish your dinner without
whining today. And no ice cream if you don’t.”
Don’t give in and break your rule
Children
can resort to prolonged discussions about why they have to obey a rule like
“You can’t go out to play until you finish your homework.” They try to
negotiate, whine, sulk, and repeat the refrain “But why?” over and over,
until we give up out of sheer exasperation. A survey found that kids will
ask for an average of nine times before the parents cave in! Stay put.
Repeat your simple “No” even for the ninth time, and your child will obey.
Resist peer pressure
When
nothing works, children may resort to the ultimate pressure tactic of
making the parent feel guilty: “But all the other children go out to play
and do their homework later!” For this, your strategy depends on what the
discussion is about. If it’s about a new video game, you may make a rule
about it: “I will buy it for you over the weekend,” and make your child
wait until the appointed day. If it’s about homework, then stick to your
guns, and try: “You can catch up with their play if you stop arguing and
get on with your homework, fast.”
Give in once in a way, to bring in good cheer
Surprise
your child on the fifth day of the rule with something like, “Ok. Since
tomorrow is a Sunday, you can do your homework in the morning. You can go
out and play now.”
Indulge in non-material joys
Play a game with your child. Hang out together at the ice
cream shop, or just watch a movie together. It adds up to good bonding and
makes them aware that there are joys that money can’t buy. Remember that by
unspoiling, we do not mean loving any lesser; as a parent you can show them
your love by showing them you care and hence the strict rules. Show your
child that love is not materialistic!
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